Welcome onboard the MV Ilala

All first class passangers please move on to the upper deck of the ferry as the lower ones are locked cages that will assure your death in case we go down. Witch, to be honest, is far more likely than we would care to admit. These are reserved for poor people.

Along both sides of the upper deck we have provided approximately one rescue vessel. They each hold a minimum of 24 passengers and had their last routine security check in 1997. They are both strictly reserved for first class passengers, and anyone from second or third class even attempting to approach will be shot upon. There is a third rescue vessel at the back of the ship, but it is reserved for the captain. We feel pride in scaring you into purchasing a first class ticket and are happy to say that you will be the only ones up there. Have a surprisingly long journey.